14 hours ago
A diary entry:
my dearest sons
today is my birthday.
do you remember?
if you did remember but then remembered that it was more important to be angry at me - i’m so sorry that you have to feel that.
it’s the first year where there was no card from you. no handmade tissue flower or drawing. no glitter.
no bedroom door creaking open while i giggled and feigned sleep and then popped up from my blanket fort and focused my love-filled-and-smiling-so-much-it-hurts eyes on your beautiful, smiling faces. as you, my oldest, held the tray with a lukewarm cup of tea and buttery english muffin as the younger and youngest bounded onto the bed and covered me with kisses.
no matter how wrenched my heart was as i sat alone and blew out a candle for myself i was and still am grateful. i am grateful for me. because without me, there would never have been you.
and you are definitely worth making a wish for.
my sons, i miss you every moment of every day and i live in the hope that even though this birthday of mine may not register in your hearts or minds as something to celebrate, it is my intention to live for many more.
for so many more in fact that there will always be another chance. a chance for you to feel differently about me. to think of me kindly. to smile when you see me. maybe one day you will want to make me a bouquet of tissue flowers.
i will wait for you.
for all my days.
#imissyou #iremember #neverforget #nevergiveup #hope #love #smile #iwillwait #mysons #iamyourmother #birthday #grateful #alwayshere #countingthedays #persevere #heal #wish #2000stepsaway