4 hours ago
Battling the feeling of defeat
recovery is hard. it is a full time job! as i approach 2 months post-op this week, i am amazed at how my incisions have healed, my body has began to adjust, and my energy levels are coming back little by little. but in between those small successes i have been given harsh reminders that i am still recovering and although my mind may think i can do more, my body simply cannot right now. last week i woke up the morning of my physical therapy session completely exhausted. i could tell that my body was worn down and needed rest so reluctantly, i cancelled my appointment. i immediately felt a sense of defeat. should i have forced myself to go? when i try to stand up from the floor and feel my legs shaking underneath me, too weak to lift me on their own, i feel that same sense of defeat. when a task that is typically thought-less for healthy people exhausts me, i feel that sense of defeat. when my mind says, “let’s go for a run!” but my legs simply do not have the ability to run right now, i feel that sense of defeat.
but here’s the thing about defeat: it is only temporary. you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep going because defeat is not permanent, but giving up is. there are going to be times when you feel defeated, frustrated, sad- that is inevitable. but those feelings do not define you or your progress. so today i put on my tennis shoes, grabbed my resistance bands for my physical therapy exercises, and kept going because i’ve come too far and fought too hard to give up now.