20 hours ago
I’ve never felt “normal”. not because i was asian being raised in a white persons world.
not because i was being raised as a jehovah’s witness.
not because i was adopted.
i just always felt “off”, like things weren’t right with my brain. i couldn’t ever articulate how i felt or how my mind would race and cause so much frustration. people made fun of me. i’ve been called crazy. i was disciplined for my outbursts. and i just never felt understood.
i always wondered why i was the way i was and why i had the thoughts i did... maybe it was the environment i was being raised in. i recently learned that early exposure to trauma (extremely fearful events & high levels of stress) affect the developing brain, particularly in those areas involved in emotions and learning and can cause a child’s developing brain to get stuck in the flight or fight mode.
maybe it was because i was separated from my biological mother at birth. i learned a few years ago that there’s a physiological response in infants as well as their mothers, when they aren’t immediately united, that leads to anxiety. when a newborn comes in contact with their mother preceding birth, their cortisol levels naturally decrease.
or maybe... like i have wondered since i was young child... maybe my biological mother or father were crazy too 🤷🏽♀️ i’ve been searching for answers, for relief, for happiness for all of my life.
i finally addressed my mental health issues in 2015. after 15 years of trying countless different anxiety and depression meds, with no success, a psychiatrist prescribed a combination of medications that have seemed to help keep my anxiety “manageable” without any side effects. (but now i’m being told that studies show that those meds are being linked to dementia.) when i moved back to my hometown this summer i felt like i was mentally and emotionally strong enough to face the things i ran away from.