Every time i looked you in the eye, something flinched inside of you. i thought it was me until you, without any rational thinking, reflexly said that "the way you stare into me, reminds me of her, she used to look into my eyes for a long time and then break into a laughter". it took you five solid seconds to get back to reality and realise that i was sitting beside you, she wasn't.
she's long gone; isn't she? then why does her name name escape your lips once in a while?
cause honey no matter how much you convince me that you're in love with me and no matter how many times you say that she was the past and i'm something you want right now, the thought of you having the thoughts of her are never gonna take an exit from my mind. you will make love to me and tell me that this is it but what if you're picturing her hands all over you when it's me? what if my giggles and eye contacts get filtered and edited before entering the cortex of your brain and she is the one you look into and hear laughing?
or maybe that's the way it works.
maybe we never really get over that one person, all our lives. and even if we don't feel anything about them, we still get driven into nostalgia upon encountering some of the little details they used to posses. i still have a number on my fingertips, a song in my playlist, a half torn b'day card, a last letter, and a necklace. maybe all you had were stark memories. maybe something reminded you of her everyday. maybe this time, it's me.
so what makes me distressed? do i not realise the stuff i just understood?
this is where i'm unsure. you never got rid of memories. i didn't too. you never really ran out of love. but i did.
and now i'm forcing myself into loving you and you're convincing me that you love me. we have reasons that are two worlds apart. but we are one hell of a mess. ~ /ruined lovers/
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