11 hours ago
Did i really gain more confidence in my body as my body grew in size and muscle frame?💪🏻🤷🏻♂️
you would think that my confidence increased because my body changed. the reality is that this is a very small part of it. it's ironic, that i would spend so much time fantasizing what it would be like to live in a stronger body, so that i could feel impregnable to the world and to my bullies at the time. but as i get older, and stronger i get, with every "slab" of muscle i put on, it only became more symbolic to becoming a stronger me less than it does in a strictly literal and physical sense🙌🏻
because of my openness and increased compassion towards my own vulnerabilities, i thought that so long strength equated with stoicism. i have learned that strength is really just about feeling scared and being okay with it, but still doing what you gotta do anyway despite the presence of fear. it's not really about the muscle, it's about what it represents for me. if anything, existing in the body i am, makes me feel more courageous because it only shows to be how many times i have challenged fear and been dam consistent at it💪🏻
my body is a gentle reminder that i am resilient and that despite my appearance, i can still own up to and be the same sensitive and emotionally caring kid i have always been. so much of my life has been about running away from who i was, and it took me a while to realize i could use the same qualities i was bullied for to not just better myself, but ideally change the world🙇🏻♂️
i feel the most comfortable in my body not only because i feel i have a strong exterior but that my mental health and actual brain has become so freaking resilient to high stress. it has been a long journey of learning how to love myself again, but bodybuilding has helped me find love in ways that are deeper than just the muscle that exists on outside of my body✨
it can take years. but’s a journey that is so special, so incredible, that i hope it can provide hope to those who don’t feel this way. i know what that feels like.
i believe in you✨